


Baby Or Not, You'll Always Be Mine

by EvenstarSelene



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Titans, Depression, F/M, Infertility, Long-Term Relationship(s), Self-Esteem Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-29
Updated: 2016-09-30
Packaged: 2018-08-18 12:07:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,478
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8161552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EvenstarSelene/pseuds/EvenstarSelene
Summary: You and Levi live a happy life after settling down together. Everything is falling well into place, and all you need is a baby to really start building your own family.Only getting pregnant is a lot easier said than done.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a story thatis very close to my heart.  
> It took me a while to complete, but it's done in its entirety, and I will post it in two or three different chapters.  
> There are very light and fleeting descriptions intimacy between a couple and heavily implied sexual situations, but nothing lemony (at least not by my standards)  
> Oh, and also Levi is here, so of course, colorful language ahead.
> 
> And just as a trigger warning, if the subject matter of infertility upsets you, please proceed with caution.
> 
> Please enjoy.
> 
> Selene the Evenstar presents:

You paced along the floor of your bedroom, nervous as could be. You watched the screen of your phone, literally watching the seconds drag past as you waited for the exact moment in which you could finally see the results of the pregnancy test that sat on the bathroom counter.  
You checked the screen again and saw that not even 30 seconds had passed since you had last checked.  
You paced back to the bathroom and looked at the test you had placed face down, wanting to look at it, with a mixture of hope and dread.  
This was the fourth pregnancy test that you were taking, feeling especially nervous since the last three tests were all negative.  
You walked out of the bathroom and back to your room.  
With an impatient sigh, you lay down on the soft bed you shared with your partner, inadvertently waking him in the process.  
He let out a quiet moan and brushed the sleep away from his eyes.

"Hey, what are you doing up so early?" Levi said, scooting out of his spot in the bed and towards you, where he placed a sweet kiss on your cheek. He looked at the large digital alarm clock on the nightstand, and saw that indeed it was still very early, 4:35am.

"Sorry, I really didn't mean to wake you." You said, twisting your body to give him a warm hug. 

"Noisy brat." He whispered, giving you another soft kiss on the cheek.  
He broke away and began to make his way out of the bed, making his way towards the bathroom. His groggy eyes fought to adjust to the light coming from the bathroom, but he managed to stumble in without much trouble.  
He washed his hands, and began to brush his teeth when his eyes caught sight of a plastic stick sitting close to the sink.  
His eyes were affixed to the small object, almost as if it was going to snap awake and bite him at any moment. 

"Oh babe, why do you do this to yourself?" He thought as he finished brushing.

He thought about how much this meant to you. He knew just how badly you wanted to have a baby with him. Of course, he would love to have a beautiful baby with you so he agreed to start trying about a year ago when you had only been living together for a few months. At first, it really wasn't a big deal since you had barely stopped using any kind of birth control. He of course, had zero complaints about all of the amazing sex the two of you were having, but after 9 months of trying and no baby, he noticed how worried you were becoming. After the ninth month of still no signs of pregnancy, you decided to check into a clinic where the gynecologist thought that due to the fact that you were a vibrant healthy young woman, your baby making hormones were out of wack and a common type of therapy would work at getting you pregnant.

He looked into the mirror and saw your lovely form behind him, your eyes flickering from him to the test sitting there so harmlessly yet so frightfully at the same time.

"Have… have you looked?" You asked, getting a little worried.

"No, I haven't." He said, walking over to you, placing a kiss tenderly on your lips.

"Time's up… it should show the results now." You said hoping that maybe Levi would volunteer to look at the results for you. 

"Want to look?" He asked. You shook your head, instead you pleaded silently with your eyes. 

"You want me to look instead?" He asked, motioning to the test.

"Yes… please. I can't do it Levi, I just can't. I'm so nervous."  
You said, rubbing your left arm with your right hand, anxiously biting your lips.  
He hated to see you like that, it killed him to see your eyes filled with worry and doubt. 

"Ok." He said simply. As soon as he turned from you to pick up the test, you rushed away from the bathroom back to your bedroom where you crawled back into bed, onto Levi's side, cuddling his pillow and shutting your eyes tight.

In the white light of the bathroom, Levi picked up the test and he finally allowed himself to look. As soon as his mind registered what he was looking at Levi felt another piece of his hope shatter.  
Negative. Again.

He was heartbroken.  
No, not because of what that test said, but because he knew how this would crush you. You had placed all of your hopes on that treatment your gynecologist had prescribed you in an effort to make conception easier for you. Still, even after following all of the instructions the gynecologist had laid out like making love on your most fertile days according to your cycle brought no results. She said that if no major complications were preventing pregnancy, then that the treatment should work in three months time.  
That was 5 months ago.  
Levi threw the damned test in the garbage and quickly washed his hands before making his way back to the room, with his heart heavy.

Before he even had a chance to speak, he heard you let out a small sob.

"It's negative, isn't it?"  
He felt a harsh tug at his heart, wishing he could say you were wrong, that you were indeed carrying their baby. He wished he could ease your anxiety and make you happy by lying, but he knew he couldn't.  
He didn't want to confirm what you already knew. He hated to be the one to give you bad news that would make you cry. 

"Yeah…" 

The room suddenly became extremely silent, he was sure that it was because he stopped breathing. 

"Levi?" He heard you choke out, and he dashed to you.

"Yeah baby?"

"I'm s-"

"Shut up. Don't you fucking dare apologize." he said, wrapping you in a tender hug. "I love you more than anything, you thick-headed brat. You know damn well that none of this is your fault."  
You couldn't help but smile at his words of affection.  
He pulled you to him, and you placed your head on his chest, where he caressed you and played with your silky hair.  
After a few minutes, you heard his breathing become deeper and he stopped stroking your hair.  
You kissed his bare chest and hugged him tight. You were content to be in his arms, yet you couldn't sleep. You were so sad but anxious and worried too.  
You were making an appointment with the gynecologist as soon as the office was open. You looked up at Levi's handsome features and wished so badly that you could have his baby, who'd surely be as beautiful as his or her father…

♡☆♡☆♡☆♡☆♡☆♡☆♡☆♡☆♡☆♡☆♡

"Hey, we're here." Said Levi, snapping you out of your thoughts. You grabbed his hand and squeezed it tightly.

"Ready?" You asked.  
He nodded, and with that the two of you entered the clinic where you had your appointment.  
You checked in, and now all that was left to do was to wait.

"You ok?" Asked Levi. 

"Yeah, I'm fine." You said, earning a smile from him. 

"Alright, all there is left to do is wait." Said your partner as he led you to some chairs so that you'd be able to at least try and relax.

After a few minutes, you heard a door opening from down the hall, and to your dismay you saw a familiar face emerge from the room.  
It was Jean, one of the guys who worked with Levi. He was coming out of a room beaming and smiling from ear to ear. Behind him wobbled his beautiful pregnant wife, who seemed to be about 6 or 7 months along and suddenly the source of his joy was obvious .  
Thankfully you didn't have to bother hiding, as Jean was too occupied chattering with his wife to even notice Levi, much less you. 

You noticed that Levi didn't spare them a second glance. You in on the other hand, couldn't help but feel a jolt of jealousy as you saw the young woman smile softly as she gently put a small hand on her protruding belly.  
You were sure that Jean's wife had no trouble getting pregnant. 

"Hey." Levi said. You looked straight into his eyes, which seemed to scold you.  
Damn, its like he read your mind…

"Levi, you think they'll be able to help me?" 

"I'm sure they know what to do babe. I mean, lots of women come here to get help and they end up pregnant, right? What would make you think you're any different? You'll see. Soon we'll be overwhelmed by a bunch of little brats."

You giggled, suddenly feeling much more positive and happy. Yeah, Levi was right, and you were sure everything would be ok.

Mr and Mrs. Ackerman?" Called a petite blonde nurse, and immediately you got up with Levi. She led you to the office you gynecologist occupied, and you felt your nerves hitch. 

"Doctor Hanji will be in shortly, please take a seat and make yourselves at home." 

You glanced over to your partner, feeling a sense of comfort upon seeing his calm demeanor. He noticed this, and he turned to you. He gave you a confident smirk and squeezed your hand just as the gynecologist walked in. 

"Hey sweetheart, and how are you feeling today?" She asked you.

"Well… I could be better." You admitted, running your hand through your hair.  
The woman smiled at you with a sincere warmth and she began to flip through the pages of your file.

"I see your initial treatment didn't yield any results… hmm… okay." She said, standing up.

"I'll be right back." She said, stepping out of her office, only to return a few moments later with another doctor.

"This is doctor Grisha Yeager, and he's going to help us figure out what's going on here so that we can get you pregnant! Well… by us I really mean you Mr. Ackerman" She said, motioning to the doctor to speak after awkwardly grinning.

"Indeed, Dr. Hanji has filled me in on your case and since the first treatment was unsuccessful, we're going to run a series of more specific tests on you, Mrs. Ackerman. At the same time, we're going to test your sperm count as well Mr. Ackerman, just to rule out any problems of fertility with you. If you'd like, we can get started immediately Mr. Ackerman."  
Levi nodded, and followed the doctor to another room.  
You watched Levi until he was gone, and you were left with the brunette doctor. 

"Alright sweetheart, let's get started."

 

♤♡ ♤ ♡ ♤ ♡ ♤ ♡ ♤ ♡ ♤ ♡ ♤ ♡ ♤ ♡ ♤ ♡ 

 

"You doing ok?" Levi asked as you were walking out of the clinic. You tried to put up a brave face, but you couldn't deny the fact that you were scared. Doctor Hanji had put you through more tests than you cared to remember, but she assured you that whatever was happening, these tests would show what was wrong so that they could get you treated immediately. 

"Yeah, I'm ok. Maybe a little tired." 

"Don't worry, we'll just go home now and relax for a while." He said, rubbing your back reassuringly as he opened the passenger door and helped you in.  
You smiled at your man watching him circle around the car to get into the drivers side, and you couldn't help but wonder what you had done to deserve such an amazing person as your partner.  
You knew that Levi wanted children. When you had brought up the idea of getting pregnant he didn't hesitate for a single second to accept. What would he do if…  
You were so focused and concentrated on your thoughts that you didn't even notice that you were home until Levi opened your door, and offered you his hand.

"Thank you babe." You said as he pulled you up. 

"It's nothing." He said, kissing your hand in the process. No matter how many times he did that, it never stopped being one of your favorite things about him. He was always such a gentleman despite his gruff appearance. He smiled and began to guide you towards your house. As he readied to open the door, you pulled him towards you, and you gave him one of the most tender kisses you could muster just to show him what he made you feel.

"I love you Levi. I love you so much it hurts." You said when you pulled away. He looked into your eyes, those beautiful eyes that enchanted him from the very first moment he saw you and he couldn't help but feel his heart melt.

"You're my everything. I'll never stop loving you. Ever." He said, pulling you into another kiss, this time you felt even more of his passion being poured into it. Immediately, you felt your knees go weak as he wrapped his arms around you and he pressed you closer to his body. He pressed you so close as he continued kissing you that you felt his passions manifest in the large and sudden bulge poking at you through his pants.  
You reached down to squeeze him gently just as he began to nip and suck on the tender flesh of your neck. You heard him groan at your touch, which made goosebumps flood your skin. 

"Come on, let's go inside or else I'm gonna rip your clothes off and fuck your brains out right here on the porch." He ordered. You said nothing, instead you went inside. He practically pushed you in to the house and then pulled you up the stairs to your bedroom. At last you were in the room, feeling every inch of your skin light up with desire with every single one of his intoxicating touches. 

"Levi…" you moaned as he lifted you off the ground, making his way to your bed.

"I fucking love you… I love you so much." He said as he gently placed you on the bed, ravaging your neck and chest with wild kisses, setting the mood for what was to come next.

For those passionate moments you shared with this man, with the love of your life, all was well. All of the things that could have upset or hurt you were forgotten, and nothing could touch you... well, nothing except for him anyway. 

 

☆♤ ♡ ♧ ☆ ♤ ♡ ♧ ☆ ♤ ♡ ♧ ☆ ♤ ♡ ♧ ☆ ♤ 

 

A satisfied sigh broke through the fog of the afterglow in the room as you began to come down from whichever star Levi had sent you to. 

"Thank you." He managed to hear you whisper as you cuddled close to him, peppering his chest with tired kisses. 

"I should be thanking you. You did all the work." He said, giving you a sly smirk. You gently slapped his arm and he laughed, pulling you in tighter to his body.

"You trying to say I'm usually lazy, Mr. Ackerman? 

"No, not at all. I just… damn it, I love it when you get crazy on me. What got into you today?" 

"You."  
The way you so casually yet playfully said that made him blush, a fact that surprised even him.

"Oh, don't you get prudish on me Levi, you're the least qualified for that title." 

"Shut up brat." He said as he squeezed your head tight earning an annoyed moan from you which he found adorably hilarious.  
After you had managed to wrestle away from him, you kissed him and relaxed against his chest, breathing in his distinct and wondeful scent.

"Levi?" You asked as you ran your finger along the flawless flesh of his chest and arms.

"Mhm?"

"What do you think our babies will be like?" You asked in a breathy voice.  
He remained silent for a few moments as he thought about your question. You looked up at him, and saw him smiling softly with his eyes closed.

"Our kids? Well, first of all… they're going to probably eat as much as you, so I better think up a way to get more money to feed them and their huge appetites."

"Hey!!!" 

"Wait wait, let me finish. They're also gonna be smart like you. And kind and friendly and funny as fuck. Like you. They're gonna have your beautiful eyes. They're gonna be beautiful like you. Maybe they'll get fighting skills like their old man, but everything else, everything good and amazing about them is gonna be from you. All you."  
A few moments of silence passed and he opened his eyes, wondering if perhaps you'd fallen asleep. He was met with the sight of you staring at him with tears ready to burst from your eyes.

"Aw shit, baby don't cry, I'm sorry… I-I… fuck, did I say something stupid?" He asked as he cupped your face gently in his hands. You managed to let out a small, strained smile.

"Something stupid? Are you kidding me?"  
Levi found himself attacked by a huge bear hug.

"Oi, I need to breathe." Levi complained, but he returned the hug with equal fervor.

"What should we name them? Our babies?" You asked as you settled down and returned to your place beside him. He thought for a moment, then he turned to give you a smug smirk.

"We'll name this half Levi Junior. and this half (Y / N) Junior.." He said, pointing to where he figured one ovary was and then pointing at the other side. You giggled and slapped his arm gently.

"You're such a dork! A finding Nemo reference? Really Levi?" You teased with a sweet smile, the kind he adored more than anything.

"Yeah, well after spending so much time with you, some dorkiness was bound to rub off on me."

"Levi!"  
With that, it was Levi's turn to attack, and his mouth went to work right away on yours, sending a familiar heat through your body. You moaned, accepting the deep kiss. You felt his hands begin to caress your sensitive breasts which made him let out an aroused groan.

"You know, that baby isn't going to make itself. Up for round two?"

 

♧♡♧♡♧♡♧♡♧♡♧♡♧♡♧♡

 

A few days had passed without any incident. You were feeling really positive and optimistic from all of the reassurance Levi had given you and because of how sweet he was being.

You were at home, trying to relax during your day off from work. You were cooking up some of Levi's favorite food when the sound of your phone ringing startled you. For some reason, nerves began to rattle your body. You picked up the phone and felt a pang of anxiety as you realized it was the clinics number on your screen. After taking a deep breath, you answered.

"Hello?"

"Hi, my name is Eren Yeager and I'm calling you on behalf of Dr. Hanji." He said in a positive and professional voice.

"Oh, hi."

"Dr. Hanji would like to set up an appointment with you and your husband to discuss the results of the tests she performed on you."

"Ummm… yeah sure. I can be there any day this week."

"Alright, so how about this Thursday?"

"Yeah, okay, we'll be there... oh hey Eren uh, do you know what my results were?"

"Unfortunately, as part of our patient privacy policy, I'm never informed of the results of the tests. I'm really sorry, I wish I could tell you. I know it's nerve-wracking to have to wait to hear the results." Said the young man with a sympathetic tone.

"Oh… okay. Well thank you." You said, hanging up and immediately dialing  
Levi and informing him of the next appointment.  
He promised to find someone to cover for him at the military base where he worked.  
You only wished that you could feel the same optimism Levi seemed to have when you told him that the results were ready...

 

♧☆ ♤ ♡ ♧ ☆ ♤ ♡ ♧ ☆ ♤ ♡ ♧ ☆ ♤ ♡ ♧ ☆


	2. Chapter 2

After waiting a few extra excruciating days, Thursday had finally arrived.   
While you were in the car with Levi, you were jittering about with nerves. He gently gripped your quivering thigh and with that you let out a deep sigh.

"Tch, don't do this, we don't even know what the results are yet." He said as he gave your thigh another squeeze before letting go.   
His eyes were carefully trained on the road, but his heart ached at feeling you so nervous.

"Yeah I know, but I just… I'm worried Levi, I'm so worried. When I spoke to the guy from the clinic over the phone, he didn't sound too enthusiastic at all. Maybe he just said he doesn't know so that he wouldn't have to break the news to me."  
You had finally arrived at the clinic for the damned results.

"What news? Come on, you're exaggerating. We're gonna go in there and they're going to tell us everything is fine. You'll see." He said as he opened the door for you and you went inside the clinic.

"Levi, we both know everything is not fine. If I were fine, I would have been able to get pregnant without having to go through all of this."

"Okay, I'm sorry babe. You're right, but I'm sure they'll be able to help us have a baby. Don't worry too much, its bad for you. Besides, you're perfectly healthy and young. Everything will be okay." 

"I hope you're right. You have no idea how badly I want you to be right."   
You found some seats near the back and sat down together as you watched other women and men seated near the front with their infants and toddlers. You watched as the older children baby talked to their parents and ran around playing with the toys in the lobby and the infants either sleep in their mothers arms or cry for milk.  
You knew you should stop staring since you were never one to get jealous but this killed you. Envy raced through you as you thought and wondered what you had done to be unable to recieve such a precious gift.

Levi leaned over from his seat to give you a kiss, which made the terrible storm in your belly settle just a tad. You took his hand in yours, drawing little circles around his palm as he watched you with a gentle smile only you were allowed to really see. The more he really thought about it, it was extremely easy to smile whenever he was close to you. So much so that sometimes he didn't even realize he was doing it until you or someone else pointed it out.

"Your hands are a little rough." You said as you looked up at him, catching him smiling at you. You cocked an eyebrow and giggled at his odd behavior.

"What? Why are you smiling at me like that?" 

"Smiling like how?"

"Like that!" You said as you nudged him playfully.

"I don't know what you're talking about. I'm not smiling. I've made no concious effort to smile at all."

"Weirdo." 

"Oh shove it brat." 

Just as you were about to dish out a comeback, you both heard someone open a door just down the hall where the consultation offices were.

"Mrs and Mr. Ackerman?" Called a young tanned man with turquoise eyes.

"Yeah that's us." You said shooting up from your seat, grabbing Levi's hand and practically dragging him behind you. 

"Dr.Hanji will see you now. Please, right this way." Said the young man very politely as he guided you two to the office.

This was almost too much. Your nerves were alight with worry and anticipation, you believed you'd be able to power a house with so much nervous energy. You began to tremble slightly as you entered the room, which was saturated with the smell of cleaning products and alcohol. Even the lights there seemed extra white.   
To your surprise, both Dr.Hanji and Dr. Yeager were there.

"Hello m'darling, how are you today?"

"Fine thank you." You said, feeling Levi squeeze your hand reassuringly. 

"Have a seat you two."   
She said, waving her hands towards the seats in front of her desk.

"Thank you." You said, prompting the quirky doctor to grin at you. Levi pulled a chair out for you and pushed it back in when you were seated, but all the while he looked on at the strange woman with annoyance and a hint of suspicion. 

"You're so polite!" She said, almost on the verge of an outburst when the other more serious doctor cut her off.

"Please excuse her, she tends to get a little excited over trivial things… How are you feeling today Mrs. Ackerman?"

"Well… I've been better. I'm a little nervous is all."   
The older male offered you and Levi a small smile before he cleared his throat and motioned for Hanji to obtain a manila file from their records shelf.

"Hey Dr. Yeager, how did things turn out?" Levi asked, obviously feeling some nerves himself.  
The doctor took Hanji's files and opened them, taking two separate paper-clipped stacks of what you assumed were the results of the tests.

"Lets start with you Mr. Ackerman. Let's see here… Aha. According to all of the results of the various tests performed on you, you're perfectly fit to get a woman pregnant. Sperm count is very high, plus you have a very high volume of active sperm cells." 

You weren't sure why, but hearing that made the part of you that was trying to remain calm begin to seriously panic. In your heart, you had always known that Levi wasn't the problem. He was never the problem. 

"Sweetie?" Said Hanji just a hair above a whisper. She managed to grab your attention and you felt a cold sweat forming all over your skin.

"I'm sorry, I just zoned out for a moment." You said, just barely able to keep your voice from cracking.   
The normally smiley and awkward doctor suddenly got a very serious look on her face, and you felt the overwhelming desire to bolt out of the door, because you just knew you had no desire to hear what she was about to say.

"Alright… (Y / N), I'm gonna need for you to be very strong. After running these tests multiple times, I came to the same conclusion every single time. You have a condition called Premature Ovarian Failure. It's -"

"What the fuck are you saying?! Is my wife's life in danger?" Levi suddenly cut in, almost knocking the chair he was sitting in back.   
Hanji cleared her throat and she adjusted her glasses.

"Mr. Ackerman please calm down, I can assure you that POF is not life threatening in and of itself, but… it means that you won't be able to conceive together."

"Well, then get her on medicine to correct the problem!" Demanded Levi. 

"Mr. Ackerman, unfortunately there is nothing that we can do… POF has no cure as of the latest known science." Said Dr. Yeager.

"What?!"

"Yes Mr. Ackerman, please remain calm-"

You couldn't register the words that came out of her mouth.  
Before you could even think of stopping yourself, you sobbed, feeling like it stole all of the breath you had. You felt like the world was now void of air for you to breathe, and it crushed your lungs in a way you had never felt before.

Levi quickly turned his eyes towards you and all of the anger in his own eyes was replaced by a deep sadness as he heard that heart wrenching sound escape your lips. He wrapped his arms around you to offer you comfort but all that did was open the floodgates of your broken heart.  
Your hot tears burned your cold skin as they ran down from your cloudy eyes.  
The words of the female doctor resounded in your mind. 

"Levi will never have children. Never with me.

He could get any woman pregnant if he wanted to. Any fertile woman.

I'm the useless one.

I'm the broken one. How can I make him happy if I can't even fulfill the cycle of life with the man I love?

Levi is too supportive and loyal to say anything about it… he'll probably stick by my side… 

But for the rest of his life….

He'll wish he had left…

If he stays…."

Choppy thoughts gave way to a sudden wave of dizziness which made your head spin so much that you had to close your eyes. Your breath hitched in your throat as you struggled to free yourself from the brink of a panic attack. You felt boneless, and your body slipped from the chair you were sitting on.  
Levi practically jumped out of his chair and he knelt in front of you with a look of utter despair. Seeing him like this only worsened the way you felt. He looked so worried, his lovely steel gray eyes were fixed on yours as he asked the doctors for some water for you.   
Levi felt so helpless as he watched your body lose some of its strength and he grabbed a hold of you before you could sink to the ground.

"Hey, c'mon baby breathe okay? I'm here, I'm right here." His eyes were filled with

"Levi… I'm so sorry." You choked out, those last words taking away any shred of composure you had left. You began to cry like you hadn't cried in years. You clung to him like he was all that was keeping you from dying from drowing in your own tears, and you could hear him whisper to you how much he loved you and how that would never change no matter what.

"Stop saying you're sorry, it isn't your fault." He whispered against your skin as he hugged you tight, only loosening his embrace to kiss you tenderly.

"Yes it is! I'm useless! I'm completely worthless!" You sobbed.

From the wooden desk, you heard Doctor Hanji rise to her feet and make her way towards you.

"Sweetheart, please stay calm. This doesn't have to be the end." She said, catching your attention and making what little hope remained in your heart leap.

"What do you mean?" Levi and you asked at the same time.

"Well, there are many options you can take sweetie. For example, in vitro fertilization is something you can consider."

"And there's always adoption. You can't imagine how many infants need a loving home from someone like you." Said doctor Yaeger.

"You hear that babe? We have hope." Levi said as he kissed your forehead.  
You gave him a tiny smile and nodded.

"Okay, we'll give it a shot." 

♤♡ ♤ ♡ ♤ ♡ ♤ ♡ ♤ ♡ ♤ ♡ ♤ ♡ ♤ ♡ ♤


	3. Chapter 3

There was a small stream of sobs coming from your bedroom.  
You were crying again. He hated the sound of your sadness especially since he was powerless to stop it. You found out that for some reason, you weren't able to adopt a baby because apparently you and Levi didn't make enough money and it would take years for the process to be complete even if you both qualified.

After a few weeks from the visit, Levi had begun reserching IVF and what he found was disheartening.  
IVF was expensive. Very expensive.  
His insurance at work didn't cover it and was fairly certain he wouldn't be able to afford it out of pocket. Even when he figured in your salary, he knew it would be out of your budget. Even then, there was a chance that it wouldn't work.  
He didn't even bother looking up surrogacy when he saw the price.

It was as if someone slammed a door in both your faces when you realized that hope was getting harder and harder to hold on to. Those options were out for now. He hated it. He wished he was rich so he could give you what you deserved so badly.  
He hated what this ordeal had done to your self-esteem too. You'd always try to smile at him, but when you thought you were alone, he'd hear the crying, and it burned him up inside. He was heartbroken for you, but determined to do whatever it took to keep you smiling that beautiful smile of yours.

But even so…He felt like he had failed you, like he let you down when you needed him the most. He made his way up to your bedroom where he heard you sobbing, and prepared himself to enter.

He turned the knob and nearly fell backwards when he looked into the bedroom and saw your bags packed and all of your things stuffed within them. He stared at them for a few seconds, unsure of what to make of them, what to say or what to do. His steel eyes slid towards you as you were sitting on the bed, still sobbing with your face buried within your hands.

"W-what the fuck is this? (Y / N )? What is this? Where are we going?"

You didn't say anything, you merely slowed your crying, trying to catch your breath before you could answer him.

"Hey! I'm talking to you! What is this?!" He said, his voice now filled with unmistakable alarm. He went over to you and knelt in front of you, prying your hands away from your face and forcing you to look at him. 

"Levi… I… I'm leaving. I'm letting you go baby." You managed to say before the giant lump in your throat could stop you.

"That's bullshit, stop playing around (Y / N) this isn't funny!"

"I have to let you go Levi, it's whats best for you."

"What's best for me? You think leaving me here alone without the woman I love is what's best for me? What the fuck are you on?!" He said, taking your hands in his own and squeezing them tight.  
You looked up at him for a second and felt your heart being torn to shreds as you noticed his eyes starting to water up and darken. You loved him… you loved him so much you knew you had to let him go so that he could be happy in a way he couldn't be with you… with someone else who could grant him the title and joy of being a father.

"Please Levi please don't make this harder than it has to be." You said, getting up from the bed and towards your bags.

"So what? Its over? Just like that?! Why?" He said, anger, sadness and desperation clear in his voice

"Because, don't you understand? I'm worthless! I can't give you the life you deserve Levi! I can't! And because of how much I love you, I'm letting you be free so that you can be with someone else who can. Can't you see? I have to do this." You said, avoiding his eyes and reaching for your bags.

"No! Please don't, please… I'll get another job, please we'll be able to afford IVF you'll see, I'll find a way to make your dream come true please just give me a chance to try and you'll see." He said, ripping your guts out at his pleading and willingness to do that for you.  
But he shouldn't have to.

"No baby... no, you shouldn't have to go through all of that, not when someone else can give you all of that without having to jump through hoops and hurdles."

"The fuck! Stop mentioning someone else! I don't want anybody else you idiot, you goddamn idiot, I want you! Only you! Please don't do this to me… please don't leave me, I need you." 

"I have to… please understand, you'll be better off without me. I'll just drag you down. 

"No! I won't let you. If you think getting away from me is going to fix anything then you're sure as fuck not gonna fix a damn thing. Hell, I even hate being away from you when I have to go to work or when you have to work. I'm miserable without you. Can't you get it through your thick skull that all I want, fuck, all I need is you… just you. Running away from me isn't going to fix anything because I'll just follow wherever the fuck you go until you realize how stupid it is to run from me." He said, wrapping his arms around your waist as he kissed you so deeply you couldn't help but kiss him back with such charged passion it made your head spin.

"Don't you love me anymore?" He asked as he broke his mouth away from yours.

"I adore you. You're my everything." You said without a hint of hesitation.

"I can't fathom my life without you (Y / N)… fuck, when I saw your bags all packed and felt that I was going to lose you, I would have rather fucking died." 

"But.."

"Shhh… don't talk anymore, please… just feel."  
He said as his hands began to slide all around your body to all those places he knew you loved being touched, a skill he'd acquired through time and experience thanks to countless hours of lovemaking.  
He heard you gasp and he smirked when he felt you press yourself closer to him.

"I love you." You said, taking a hold of his shirt and tearing it away from his body, as he did the same to you. 

"I love you too."

"Levi?" 

"Mhm?" He couldn't answer properly as his mouth had already gotten to work on your sensitive neck.

"Please…oh shit, please." You said, rubbing yourself agaisnt his hardness.

"And here you thought I'd just sit back and let you go… I think I might just have to punish you for being such a dumb brat." He said through a devilish smirk as he realized that his pants were now gone and you had managed to free him of all of his clothes.  
You came up and wrapped your arms around him before giving his neck a sly bite which made him gasp with swelling desire. 

"Good, do your worst."

☆♤ ♡ ♧ ☆ ♤ ♡ ♧ ☆ ♤ ♡ ♧ ☆ ♤ ♡ ♧ 

 

You heard a rustling in your room which tore you away from your slumber.  
You lifted your head up to see Levi fully dressed and seemingly pulling clothes from your bags.

"Hey, I was just about to wake you." He said, planting a quick peck on your cheek as he continued about his business.

"What are you doing?" You asked with a groggy voice.

"C'mon get up, we're going out."

"Huh? What time is it?" You said, reaching for you phone and noticed it was barely 4 am.  
"I'm sleepy." You said, twisting yourself back into your blanket. Before you had a chance to fall back asleep, Levi picked you up from the bed.  
"Hey!" You half-heartedly protested before giggling as brought you to the bathroom and set you down.

"Get ready, come on babe, just trust me." 

"Ugh, fine." You said as you grudgingly wiggled out of bed, freshened up and got dressed for whatever it was Levi had planned for you.  
"So, where are we going again? " you asked as you followed him out to the car.  
It was pretty chilly out since it was so dark still, but nonetheless you followed your man into the car.

"You'll see." He said, getting the car started and slowly driving out, leaving your home behind.  
You made your way to the interstate and before you knew it, you were headed up some hills and towards a viewing platform.

"Levi?" 

"I brought you here babe so that we could see the sunrise together." He said, parking the car close to the platform after he'd checked to make sure no weird people or animals were there. The last thing you needed was to be chased away by some creepy mood-ruining crap.

"What? Really?" 

"Yeah… come on" he said, taking a hold of your hand after opening your door for you and guiding you towards the platform. He went back to the car and pulled out a folding lounge chair and a blanket, and he set it up, laying down and motioning you to lay with him.

"Levi Ackerman, you're such a corny romantic." You said through giggles. 

"Oh be quiet." He said before planting a kiss tenderly on your lips.  
You snuggled up against his chest, hearing the steady drumming of his heart.  
For a while, the two of you just sat there enjoying the warmth and company in silence.  
You felt him gently stroke your hair and you closed your eyes to really take in the sensation of his fingers running through the tresses of slightly messy hair.  
You smiled peacefully for once since this whole thing began. 

"Hey, don't fall asleep, okay?" 

"Don't worry, I won't… only, why exactly?" You asked as you looked up at him, breaking away from his embrace for a moment to look into his eyes.  
He smiled but didn't immediately answer the question, instead he took his phone from his jacket pocket and looked at the time. He was definitely not kidding when he said that this was a sunrise viewing, he timed the damned event right down to the second it seemed. 

"I don't want you to miss this… I don't want you to forget this sunrise." He said with a slight shaking of his voice. You felt concern tug at you immediately and you placed your palm over his cheek.

"What's wrong? And why don't you want me to forget this sunrise?" You asked him so sweetly that it melted his heart.

"Because… because every time you look at the sunrise from now on, I want you to remember what I'm about to say." He said, and now you were certain that his usually calm, even and stoic voice trembled as he spoke.  
"Here, turn around." He said as he helped you position yourself between his strong legs, with your body resting against his, back to chest. He seemed satisfied with this new seating arrangement since he quickly wrapped his arms around your waist and held you close. From here, he could easily whisper sweet nothings in your ear and kiss your neck, but he instead remained silent for a moment.  
You wondered what he was doing, you even thought that maybe he had fallen asleep. A quick sideways proved you wrong, as you noticed that his eyes were indeed closed, but he was just… breathing.

"What are you doing?"

"Shhh" was the only sound he made as he pulled back some hair and exposed your ear to his lips. He gave you a sweet kiss on the delicate flesh between your ear and your hairline and you giggled. He was acting a little strange, but endearingly so, enough to make you understand that this was his way of telling you that he loved being close to you. 

"Levi, wha -" Before any questions could be brought forth, he interrupted as he pulled you, his love, flush against his chest even more so than before.

"You know… last night when I saw your bags packed and everything just on the edge of falling apart, it hit me… it really hit me that you believe for some reason that you mean nothing to me because of… well, you know why. And I just couldn't wrap my mind around it. I was so angry at you for thinking that you're worthless to me when you're the most precious thing in my life. I don't know how you fucking did it, but you managed to make it impossible for me to live without you. And last night when I was laying next to you in bed just listening to you breathing, and feeling damn elated just to hear that sound coming from you, it occurred to me that maybe you needed a visual fucking aid to illustrate how much you mean to me. So here it is kid, look."  
He said, just as the sun began to peek over the eastern horizon.  
The sun began to paint the sky in spactacular shades of pinks, oranges and blues as it slowly made its way out of its resting place and flooded the world with its warmth and light.

"Before I met you, before I even knew you existed, I lived in perpetual black and gray world where nothing and no one could make anything in it mean a damn thing to me. Then you came along… and it was like the sun began to shine for the first time ever in my life. Your smile was all I needed to see to know that I wanted to be with you and around you every hour, every minute and every second of every day of my entire life. Nothing, nothing at all will ever change that, no matter what. With a baby, without a baby, it doesn't matter. It never did. Not to me. You'll always be mine. And you're all I need."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really want to thank every lovely person that took the time out of their day to read my little story. From the bottom of my heart, I wish you all a very happy day.


End file.
